For the past month, I've been on this insane sidequest to get my book on shelves in stores. As an indie author, that's no small feat. There's no one-size-fits-all specific guidebook for this, no publishing house or agent fighting for you. It's just you, your computer, and an unwavering belief in your words against the world. 

 What has that process looked like? Lots of emails, a few phone calls, several DMs and a ton of Google Forms. There's been quite a bit of looking up "bookstores near me" and typing "bookstores looking for indie books" into the instagram search bar. And don't forget, recording content all the way and posting it as reels that get a few hundred views, in case one of those views is a bookstore willing to take a chance on you.

 And all that, for what? DMs that get left on read. Emails and form responses that you don't know if are seen and or deleted or just lost entirely. Being excited to receive a rejection because at least it means one less store you're waiting on. Finally hearing back from a store that wants to hear more, and sending a response, and wondering what that response must've contained that scared them off from ever touching base again.

 Yesterday in particular, it hit me like a truck, as I pushed through another hopeless plea for attention for my stories and hit that milestone of thirty stores reached out to: two that had rejected me, twenty-six that might not have even noticed I exist, and two that had reached out to me, then ceased conversations without a word of warning.

 I want to make this abundantly clear: I understand them. Life's busy. These stores are doing exactly the same thing I am: using the power of words to make a difference in this world. They don't owe me their time or attention or customers or partnership, and I value the service they provide to the community.

 But, of course, I make it all about me. Maybe my pitch wasn't pitchy enough? Maybe I'm too distant from them? Maybe I sound like a bot or a scammer? Maybe the stories I wrote just aren't good enough for them.

 That's what it all comes back to, isn't it? This quest for approval, for validation, for someone to look at my words, or maybe even me, and to say "you are enough."

 In my latest reel about this sidequest to get my book on shelves, from the depths of my burnout and frustration, I said the following:

 "I guess I'm just feeling burnt out right now, because I just hate asking people for things, and ninety percent of the job as an indie author is just asking people for things: begging people to read your book, to read your email, to take a minute to look at your site or review your book. And I think, too often we get ourselves wrapped up in 'I have to have this approval...'

 "A [traditionally] published author already has permission. A [traditionally] published author has been through agent, editor, publishing house, and has finally gotten that acceptance—that feeling that 'I am allowed to be doing this. I'm not just pretending to be doing this 'til I get caught. I have permission to write and make this my job.'

 "And as an indie author, you're independent. You don't have that permission, and a lot of the quest of an indie author is trying to get people's approval, get people's permission, get people to like your story enough to read it—and maybe this time, maybe this review will be enough, maybe this number of sales will be enough, maybe I'll finally get that approval that I need....

 "I'm writing this... to tell you guys, you do not need anyone's approval to be an author. Just keep writing."

 I don't think I'm the only independent author who feels this way. I don't think I'm the only one who's ever fought for their stories to have them rejected and ignored, and to internalize that rejection. Don't. If you're looking for approval, you can have mine, but I need you to realize: you don't need it. You don't need anyone's permission or favor or approval. You are already a writer.

 Keep writing.